why I don't call myself an artist

That's kinda unusual title for a first post on blog fully created by graphic design student, right? Well it's hard for me as well because believe me, getting so personal is totally out of character. I just need to get this off my chest. But before you say anything - let me explain.

So here's the deal: Ive never liked calling myself an artist. As long as I can remember I always claimed that "I like to draw and paint" but the proud title of "artist" never felt right. At first I thought it's simply because I am not good enough. I'll just get better at whatever I'm creating and I'll "earn" this title. Sounds logical, doesn't it? No. Okey. Sooo, it's all about education then? I'll go to art school and all my of my problems with self definition will be instantly sorted out? Wrong. I couldn't come up with thousands of different reasons. I'm not quirky enough, I'm too stable, or too directionless or many other ridiculous things. Good thing is that recently I finally figured it out. While listening to online guest lecture with Holly St Clair it finally became clear (or at least I think so).

It's all about expression. I don't (usually, with few exceptions) eexpress things in my art. I don't really want my art to revolve mainly around political issues. I do have my own opinion, but well, I don't find myself as an authority in this field by any means. Also my political opinions are mostly about Polish politics. And since I made a decision to study in UK and speak to more intentional audience why would I want to mainly create thing that make sense to only small part of my following.

Ok, that's fine - you might say - but what about other things you cant express? Well and that's where it gets personal. And I don't like being personal. I don't like being vulnerable, shonwing weakness or any emotional turbulences. And it's not because I feel it's embarrassing. I am not scared to open up to random people I don't know. It's all fine. I just don't want for people close to me to know. Not because I don't trust them, not because they won't respect that. But because that thing that makes me absolutely furious is when people show sort of pity towards me. I really appreciate their support and will to help. But I am this kind of person that won't count problem as "solved" untill I slove it on my own. Also I just simply don't want anyone to walk on eggshells around me. I'm just not that emotional usually and i know what I'm doing so I just want everyone to chill. Well, that was really personal for my standards. I will shut up now. Okey, bye!